I need a dollar…


I need a dollar …

Unless you’re the average Joe Blogg the wealth you’ve been given or earn determines;

1. Where you live  2. Who your friends are  3. What you do in your spare time

Money has an invisable border segregating people into groups all around the world…

Some borders you wouldn’t dare go near for the shame of your status.

Other groups who wish only to leave their confinements but free choice does not exist in their vocabulary.

I believe there are four categories: Those who have;

Nothing – want more

Nothing – content

More than enough – want more

More than enough – content


When we have little we value what we do have and find joy in the people we share life with.

They say the best things in life are free.


I reminisce…

Being 5 and making huts in the lounge

Having music jams with friends around a bonfire

Going to the park for a picnic

Falling in love


Climbing hills in the moonlight

Ultimate sharades

Jumping into waterholes


However my culture has taught me how to play by the rules..

It’s all about me. I want ‘it’ now!


Why can i so easily walk past a display window, see a pair of vans or a pretty dress and hand over my bank card without a second thought.

Yet when it comes to investing money into those who are in need, my church, or trusting God to provide, I sit in the back seat of the bus relying on someone else to do the right thing.

And for what reason? That I may look good? And for who? So that I feel better about myself? At the cost of someone else?

They say that where your money is, that is where your heart lies.


In other words take a look at your bank statements. What you spend the majority of your money on (maybe after your bills, or maybe not) will give you an indication of what you care about the most in life.

There was one week in London when I was the poorest I’d ever been, so when I was stopped by a homeless woman begging me for food and a place to sleep, I couldn’t stop laughing that she would ask me at my lowest point. But as I gave her nearly all that I had I found an overwhelming joy in the knowledge that I have God and his love, a home, friends, and family. And that week as I walked everywhere instead of catching the train, and ate £1 meat from the sale rack at Tescos supermarket, I was set free from the control money was having over me.

It is ironic now as I’m writing this nannying in Menorca, that British Airways has lost all my luggage. All the ‘important’ things.,

My dresses, makeup, hair straightener, phone charger, trainers. I came to London just over a year ago with 1 bag, and now it seems I’m back there again. I’m being reminded that there is a God who’s been desperate for my attention, and that in him lies everything that I need.

I’m challenging myself to evaluate what I’m living for. Is it to just make and spend money on myself? Or is there something more to life? It’s so easy to get stuck in my invisable walls in my home, with my friends, and forget who exists outside of what I see.

If the walls came tumbling down and we put money aside don’t we all look the same? Aren’t we all just trying to make a dollar to live a good life? And at the same time aren’t we all longing for something more? Family, love, belonging, and purpose?


Foundations-The Unshaken (written just after Chch’s 7.1 earthquake)

earthquake house

I awake and run,
House shaking, Dad yelling, glass smashing..
Is everything going to come crashing down?

Am I going to be stuck here? Alone?
So alone…
Because I am always in control of my life…
But now it’s in control of me.

With every shake fear grips my heart,
I can’t focus on normality
I look at the cracks in the ground, in the roof and ask mum,
‘Is our house less stable because it’s old?’
She replies, ‘It doesn’t matter on the age, it depends how strong the foundation is.’

‘When the world is falling out from underneath, I’ll be found in you still standing.’…

In my fear there was also a sense of relief….Why?
Because as the world shook, eternity stared me in the face…

As the world shook there was one standing with me who was and is not shaken,
As everything’s out of control there’s one, who was and is in control of all things,
As I start thinking of loved ones…Ones I can’t be without…
There was and is ‘one love’ who I will never be without

I felt relief in my fear because I felt secure in the arms of the only one who saves.
Who not only saved me 2000 years ago, but saves me each day if I choose

For there will come a day when I will stand before my King, my Dad,
Alpha and Omega, First and last….
And when I stand I will be alone…
The only thing I will have with me is that which is unshaken…my spirit…my soul…

Not my family, not my friends, my house, my money, my body…
How can I take them with me?
I proclaim, I declare, that that which is unshakable is Jesus Christ…
And when I stand before him, alone, I will not be alone…

Because I will have finally reached…
My home
I will finally know the true meaning of wholeness
I will be complete

There will be no more weeping nor sickness,
Suffering nor shame
No sorrow, nor darkness or pain
Only love, peace and a joy everlasting

‘Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house. Yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock…

The rock is Jesus Christ…

Is he your rock?
What’s beneath your house?
What’s beneath your surface?
When things come crashing down will you still be standing?

Or is it time to relay your foundation?

‘Each one should build with care, for no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the day will bring it to light.’

Therefore my heart, my spirit cries out, for you to join me today in this prayer…

‘Refiners fire, my hearts ONE desire, is to be, HOLY, set apart for YOU my father, ready to do your will.’

Saved from the Wilderness (My testimony)


I’m walking but I don’t know where to go…
Alone, tired, confused, stuck…
Do you see me?
No do you really see me?

I’m good at pretending
I’m good at hiding.
The ‘world’ sees me-
It lies at my doorstep, it knocks on my door…

It promises me joy, love, beauty, but what it promises to give it takes…
My heart cries out but for what? For who?
It is divided…between the created and the creator.
It is like stone…

My heart and my head scream at me but I don’t even know which is which…
I hurt yet I smile, numb from the pain
Going through the motions, looking for an escape

I want to flee but I can’t find the key to these chains. I panic, ‘Let me out’
People see my distress and they try their key, but it just won’t fit…
It all goes blurry, I’m tired, I can’t see anymore. I fall asleep…

And the nightmare fades as my sleep goes deeper and deeper.

There is one who’s been watching me closely, but now he’s really close.
He’s singing over me, he’s declaring his love for me.
He’s full of anticipation, joy, because he knows whats about to happen.
He’s going to awaken me…

The nightmare is going to end..the dream is about to begin.

‘Arise my darling, my beautiful one. Come with me.
See the winter is past, the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth, the season of singing has come.’

As I opened my eyes , everything looked different.
The words this man has sung over me, and spoke to me turned my heart into flesh.
He realigned my heart so that it was undivided.
He gave me a new spirit.

He said that he needed to go…but that he had come to get me,
To take me away with him, because I was his.
then he looked into my eyes and said,
‘Will you be mine?’

‘I am jealous for you,
I have longed to snatch you from the arms of others and hold you in mine
Years ago I wrote your name on the palm of my hand…’
Then he held out his hand for me to take it…
And I saw his wounds…

Then I wept, I fasted…
I repented,
What could I possibly offer this man in return for his love?
His sacrifice?

So I gave him what I now knew he had brought for a very high price.
I offered him my body,
I rendered my heart,
I chose to love him back.

He then gave me ‘the key’  I’d been looking for;

He loosed the chains of injustice,
He broke the yoke of bondage,
He washed away the dirt
He gave me clean hands and a pure heart

He filled my mouth with praise
And my heart with thanksgiving
He granted me the desires of my heart
And did not withhold the request from my lips

‘My god is mighty to save, slow to anger and rich in love. No matter how many promises he has made they are ‘yes’  in Christ and so through him the Amen is spoken by us to the glory of God. Amen’